


Can’t Stop Loving You (Not That I Want to)

by hanekawa



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: 6nin KAT-TUN, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-27 17:38:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/298342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanekawa/pseuds/hanekawa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Junno’s bored. And his teammates are idiots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

.

.

Junno says, “I’m bored. This is boring. You’re all boring.”

A pause.

They all look at Junno. Considering he’s smiling so gleefully and cheerfully when he says it, none quite knows how to take such an otherwise potentially offensive remark.

…for some reason, this kind of thing occurs unexpectedly often.

Kame frowns. “Someone should give him some sweets. He’s looking dangerously sugar-depraved.”

“But it’s so quiet now.” Ueda protests.

“Are you sure this isn’t because he’s forced to part with his PSP?” Koki asks.

“Hey, do you all remember that music video we made, where we all dressed like the fashion-challenged people we claimed we’re not?” Junno says, still smiling cheerfully.

“But we _always_ dress like fashion-challenged people in our music videos.” Koki says. “Except for that time when we dressed like sluts. Or that time when we dressed in bondage gears. Or that time when we dressed like homeless people. Or that time when—“

“Excuse me,” Kame interrupts coolly.

“Junno has a point.” Jin says. “It’s time we stage an intervention. Tell our stylists to stop dressing us like the attention whores we claim we never are.”

“But we are, though.” Junno says. “Attention whores, that is.”

“We are celebrities.” Nakamaru says. “It’s practically in our job’s description.”

“Excuse me,” Kame begins.

“Why are we talking about the obvious, anyway?” Ueda asks.

“That reminds me.” Junno says. “Tatchan! Why did you suddenly get rid of all those metals and change your persona, anyway? Have you finally realized that your longing for Gackt was only an exercise in futility?”

Ueda eyes the fruit knife on the table speculatively.

Nakamaru hastily puts the knife away.

“Look, it’s clear we need to give him sweets.” Kame says. “He’s starting to show his AB personality already.”

Junno smiles at Kame.

“Why did you suddenly whip your phone out?” Jin asks Koki.

“Are you kidding?” Koki exclaims. “Like I would ever miss recording a potential blackmail material! It’s going to get nasty in a second, let me tell you.”

“Oh.” Jin pauses. And then says, “I’ve got a camcorder in my bag.”

“Then what are you still doing here?!” Koki shout-whispers. “Get that out! Hi-def is definitely preferred!”

“I don’t like the way Junno just smiled at Kame.” Ueda tells Nakamaru.

“I don’t like the way _you_ don’t like the way Junno just smiled at Kame.” Nakamaru says.

“And I’m still here.” Kame says. “And totally could hear everything you all just said. You call that subtle? Shame on you.”

“But you always know everything anyway.” Koki says. “So this totally doesn’t count.”

“I bet Kame’s got a sixth sense.” Jin says, camcorder in hand. “And that’s how he knows everything. Or maybe he’s got telepathy. Or any of that mutant superpower shit.”

“Jin’s still obsessed over the X-men.” Ueda confides in Nakamaru. “He totally thinks Jean Grey is hot.”

“Jean Grey _is_ hot.” Junno says. “All that red… and all that leather… “ he sighs dreamily. “I mean, have you seen her killer legs? Or her killer high heels? Or her killer blast?” he pauses. “Her killer anything, really. She was a killer, after all.”

“I know, right?” Jin says. “Before, she was just this pretty chick. And then she died, and came back, and suddenly she was this _super hot killer evil chick_.”

“They’re talking geeks.” Koki says. “Doesn’t it mean Junno already gets back to normal?”

Ueda blinks. “Junno has _ever_ been normal?”

“Don’t let it lull you into a false sense of security!” Kame hisses.

Junno smiles back at Kame, beaming so brightly his eyes disappear into happy slits.

“Urgh.” Kame says.

“I still don’t like the way Junno smiles at Kame.” Ueda frowns.

“And I still don’t like the way _you_ don’t like the way Junno smiles at Kame.” Nakamaru says.

“Guys, how about those sweets now…?” Kame asks.

“I bet Tatchan would look fetching in high heels.” Junno says. “He’s got the figure for it, too.”

“What are you doing?” Ueda asks Nakamaru.

Nakamaru doesn’t let go of his hold around Ueda’s waist. “Restraining you.”

“I’m not going to kill him!” Ueda protests. “I’m just going to castrate him for life!”

“That’s what I’m talking about! Also, let go of that sharpened pencil at once! God, you’re not allowed to have anything sharp again!”

“You’re right, Koki.” Jin says, watching through his camcorder’s lenses. “This is good shit.”

“I’m always right.” Koki says. “Also, duck.”

“What?”

“Kame-chan has an extremely good aim.” Koki says, just as a baseball comes speeding over him, just barely missing Jin’s head.

Jin’s eyes are very wide. “Right. Sometimes I forgot he used to play baseball.”

“Oh don’t worry about it.” Koki says. “We all also always forget about it, even when Kame-chan keeps reminding us in his every interview.”

“Guys!”Kame says. “Sweets! Sugar!”

A sudden pause.

Nakamaru blinks. “Did Kame just call us by pet names?”

“See?” Jin sniffs. “Despite his constant nagging and ordering and stern attitude and obsessive-compulsive nature, Kame has actually a soft side for us, and is just too shy to show it.”

“Well,” Ueda begins, “the truth is—“

“Kame-chan!” Koki exclaims loudly, “So you’ve finally got in touch with your inner softie!”

“No, really.” Ueda tries again, “The thing is—“

“I’M SO PROUD OF YOU.” Koki says, sniffing loudly, wiping what look like suspiciously like tears from his eyes.

And then promptly ducks as a pack of cigarette nearly hits him on the forehead.

“Huh?” Koki says. And looks up. And then instantly runs for cover behind the couch as a myriad of sharp (and not-so-sharp) objects comes flying in his direction.

“You want soft? _I’ll show you soft._ ” Kame says, producing yet some other pointy objects from somewhere on his person.

“See? That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” Ueda pauses. “Also, why are your hands still around my waist?”

“Precaution.” Nakamaru says.

Ueda gives him an unimpressed look.

Nakamaru lets go, making a sad face at Ueda.

“Popcorn?” Junno offers, holding out a bag of said snack at Ueda, that slightly manic grin still in place.

They both stare at Junno.

“Where the hell did you get this popcorn?” Ueda demands. “Aren’t you supposed to be sugar-depraved?”

“I have magic.” Junno grins. “In my pants. Wanna try it?”

A baseball hits him straight in the forehead, the force behind it more than enough to knock him to the ground.

Silence.

“I’m sorry.” Kame says, totally doesn’t sound sorry at all. “I _slipped._ ”

“No worries.” Ueda says dismissively. “I would’ve totally knocked him out myself anyway.”

“I don’t think all this violence is good for team-building.” Nakamaru frowns.

“See?” Jin stage-whispers to Koki. “I told you Kame’s got superpowers! How else would he know what’s going on in this side when he’s too busy chasing us on the other side of the room?”

“That’s because I know _everything._ ” Kame says. “I also have transmitters planted in each of your brain, so I could monitor your well-being _all the time_ ”

 _“What!”_

Jin’s eyes are really, really wide. “Really?” he sounds oddly hopeful.

“Of course not.” Kame says. “What is this, a spy movie?”

Jin sulks.

But Koki has wide, big, dopey happy grin on his face. “He just admits he cares about our well-being.”

“Huh.” Nakamaru says. “That’s true.”

Ueda raises an eyebrow.

“ _He_ also says it in a sarcastic manner.” Kame says. “Do refrain from omitting that little fact.”

But Jin and Koki are already busy doing their stupid little victory dance and do not appear to be listening at all.

Kame shakes his head. “It’s really, really sad when people choose to live in their delusion and ignore the truth.”

Ueda eyes Kame amusedly. “Speak for yourself.”

“Basically,” Nakamaru says, “it comes to two choices: sugar, or no sugar? Do we want Junno hyper, or do we want Junno manic?”

Kame blinks. “How are those different?”

Nakamaru ignores him. “What say you?”

“I want neither.” Ueda says. “I want quiet. I want silence. I want zen. I want him gone.” He pauses. “Come to think of it, why don’t you all go, anyway? You sorry excuse for a waste of space.”

Nakamaru looks heartbroken.

“That’s harsh.” Koki says.

“Inhuman.” Kame agrees.

“Even if it’s true Junno and Nakamaru are a waste of space.” Koki adds.

“Oi!” Nakamaru says.

“Just think about it, Tatchan!” Jin exclaims. “If Junno’s – or Nakamaru’s – gone, then you won’t have anyone to bully anymore!”

“Or to make a joke out of.” Kame offers.

“Or to order around.” Koki interjects.

“Oi.” Nakamaru says. “For some reason your reasoning only makes me feel really annoyed.”

“That’s because you really have no good qualities.” Jin says.

“Excuse me,” Nakamaru says.

“But we like you anyway.” Koki claims.

“Sometimes.” Kame admits. And then blinks rapidly.

“Most of the time.” Ueda says. Pauses. And then, “So I guess you got to stay, after all.”

Nakamaru tears up. “Guys!”

And then he throws himself on Jin and Koki, who grab at Kame and Ueda, prompting them all into a group hug—which ends with them piling up haphazardly on the floor, squeaking (manly!) and flailing around.

“…I feel so left out.” Junno says, pouting and grinning at the same time. How does he manage the two expressions at the same time, only Junno would know.

A pause.

And then more screaming and flailing and laughing and cursing are heard as Junno finds himself pinned to the floor by the rest of his teammates, all of whom trying to come on top of the other – with varying results.

A few moments later, Junno says, “So. Wanna have an orgy?”

.

.

.

End.


	2. Chapter 2

**OMAKE ver.1**

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.

.

“Seriously though, whose idea was it to deprive Junno of his usual morning sugar fix?” Nakamaru asks.

Suddenly, both Kame and Ueda look shifty.

Nakamaru crosses his arms over his chest and gives them both a disapproving frown. “I’m waiting.”

“Well,” Kame begins, “The Starbucks might have run out of sugar when they processed Junno’s hazelnut mochacino latte order this morning.” He pauses. “As well as the hazelnut syrup. And the mocha. And the cream.”

“In short, you gave Junno a black coffee.” Nakamaru says.

“Um.” Kame says, looking a little guilty. “Sort of? Maybe?”

“And you?” Nakamaru turns to Ueda, “What did you do?”

“What makes you think I did anything?” Ueda says coolly.

“Tatchan, you’re tapping your foot. You’re only tapping your foot when you’re nervous.”

“I did no such thing!” Ueda says, even as his foot keeps tapping relentlessly.

“It’s the muffins.” Junno says with a sad face. “They’re _evil._ ”

“…evil muffins.” Nakamaru stares disapprovingly at Ueda.

Ueda stares right back.

“They’re the tasteless, healthy, calorie-free kind, I think.” Kame says, because, hello, _misery loves company_. If he’s going down, he’s not going down alone. Ha! “The ones without sugar.”

“It’s good for your body health!” Ueda protests.

“But really bad for our _mental_ health.” Nakamaru admonishes him. “Junno’s the _proof._ ”

“The puns Junno always sprouts out when he’s hyper is what bad for our mental health.” Kame says. “I totally approve of the evil muffins.”

“Totally.” Ueda nods to himself.

“Stop resorting to childish approach to problem.” Nakamaru says. “You’re all in your mid-twenties. Shame on you.”

Kame blinks. “Are you suggesting we should just employ the grown-up approach and resort to _murder_?”

“Nakamaru!” Ueda exclaims. “You cold-hearted bastard!”

Nakamaru pinches the bridge of his nose. “The responsible, mature, and non-confrontational approach, you _morons._ which is done by _talking_ about it.”

“How boring.” Kame says.

“Totally lame.” Ueda agrees.

Nakamaru glares at them.

“Do you realize you look cute when you’re angry?” Ueda says.

“Totally adorable.” Kame agrees. “You look flushed and everything.”

Nakamaru throws his hands up to the air. “You know what? I give up. You could all blow up the building for all I care.” And then he stomps out of the room.

Silence.

“He does look dashing when he’s flushed, though.” Kame says.

“Like there was a doubt about it.” Ueda snorts.

“So.” Kame says.

“So.” Ueda says.

“Who’s our victim tomorrow?” Kame asks.

.

.

.

The end.


	3. Chapter 3

**OMAKE ver.2**

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.

.

“Hey, did you manage to tape everything?” Koki asks. “Kame deleted all of my phone’s contents, that evil thing.”

“Huh.” Jin says, fiddling with his camcorder’s panel. “Why do you sound so happy, then?”

“He did it by distracting me with a kiss.” Koki sighs dreamily. “And groping my ass.”

“You lucky dog!” Jin says. “I _love_ it when he’s being sneaky.”

“Don’t we all?” Koki grins.

“Huh.” Jin says.

“What’s wrong?” Koki asks.

“Um.” Jin frowns, fiddling with the buttons on his camcorder frantically. “Um.”

“What? What?” Koki asks. “Did it suddenly break?”

“Er.” Jin says. “There might be a slight…technical mistake.”

“Why do I get the feeling I’m not gonna like that?” Koki asks.

“Because you aren’t.” Jin says. “It appears I…forgot to press the rec button.” He sounds rather sheepish.

“Oh.” Koki says, sounding like his dog has just died.

“Yeah.” Jin says, abashed. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay.” Koki says. “But you’re going to let me punch you, right? I mean, it’s for the emotional damage and all, since you dared giving me hope only to crush it at the last second. Or something.”

“Um.” Jin says. “No?” and then runs for his life.

“BAKANISHI JIN! COME BACK HERE!”

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.

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The end.

**Author's Note:**

> This is so STOOPID I DON'T EVEN. I mean, what. KAT-TUN would never do a group hug; they would prob be all, but we're TOO MANLY to ever do such a thing! or something. The only time they would do a group hug (voluntarily) is probably when THEY'RE HELD AT GUN POINT. But WHATEVER. /end rants.
> 
> Originally posted in 2011.02.12 [here.](http://mi-key.livejournal.com/40200.html)


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